Update: Episode III: Revenge of the Nerds |
Part One | Part Two | Photo Gallery
I was getting to know the Alpha Nerd by reading her blog to understand just how much she hates Wil Wheaton and loves the Bible when I came upon this:
Friday, April 08 -- Courtesy of a TOTALLY AWESOME Detroit radio station we are getting PIZZA delivered to the line.
Oh what the fuck.
They already had pizza? Damn those nerds! I”ôve been duped!
I also found out that The Empire Strikes Back played at the Egyptian this weekend. It wasn”ôt publicized, so of course I didn”ôt know about the screening. But guess who went? Yep, all of the nerds. And did they e-mail me, their new friend, to tell me about it? Hell no.
How you gonna play a ninja like that, nerds? I thought we were pals. I thought I was totally breeching your inner circle of nerdom. I was
hoping expecting to be let into your Jedi rituals. I mean, you gave me the number to your secret phone line, for Yoda”ôs sake! Does that mean nothing to you? Nothing?! I guess all I am to you is a free pizza. I just need to know one thing: Did you... Sorry this is just really hard for me-- Did you... let someone else answer your phone? No! Don”ôt tell me! I”ôm better off not knowing.
Apparently, the nerds want Star Wars all to themselves. I phoned my so-called new “friends”Ě to confront them on the matter:
Nerd: Star Wars line.
Jessica: Hey, who”ôs this?
Nerd: This is Ron. Who”ôs this?
Jessica: Hi, Ron. This is Jessica Mae Stover.
Jessica: Are you new or something?
Ron: This is only the third time I”ôve checked into the line.
Jessica: It shows. Listen, is the nerd called Elliot there?
Ron: (muffled, to other nerds) Is Elliot here? ”¶No, he”ôs not here. There”ôs only 16 of us here.
Jessica: Where is everyone? It was the same thing when I stopped by”¶
Ron: You probably stopped by when everyone was watching The Empire Strikes Back at the Egyptian.
Jessica: Everyone? Everyone?! Was I there? No, I wasn”ôt. So not everyone got to see it. Some people were sitting at home with a hurt rib thinking about how much they”ôd like to see Empire on the big screen, which is precisely why I am calling. You tell all of your fellow nerds that Jessica Stover is really”Ē
Ron: What”ôs your name again?
Jessica: Jessica Stover. Don”ôt interrupt. You tell them that Jessica Stover is wicked pissed. They”ôll know why. Oh yes. They”ôll know.
Jessica: Stover. Jessica Stover. It”ôs like Stove with an r at the end. Stover.
Jessica: Aren”ôt nerds supposed to be smart?
Jessica: What. Did you just say “Holla”Ě? Neverdothatagain.
(Ron laughs hysterically)
Jessica: Just make sure the head nerds get my message, OK?
Ron: From Jessica. OK, I”ôll do that.
-- Click ”ď
I think the nerds are getting drunk up there (for the first time in their lives).
Update: "Holla!" Bonner has once again added me to blogging.la”ôs coverage.
But, dude, Bonner, why would I buy a Darth Vader Helmet for $29.99 to make Vader-voiced prank calls when I can use this for free? Although, anything with the word “awesome”Ě in its official description is rather tempting”¶
If all else fails, I can always frighten them with my amazing Wookie impression.
Nerds, I am your father.
Comments (18) | Permanent Link | RSS