SW Update: A Message From the Interior |
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The nerd called Greg Knight has e-mailed me a response. I am 99% sure that this nerd has secretly changed his first name to “Jedi”Ě (understandably) and is therefore a really important nerd leader.
Hi Jessica, I just read your latest on us Star Wars nerds. You're right, we are shamed. To make up for it, I'd like to extend an invitation to our Dessert Potluck this Saturday at 6pm. You know where!
I assume that by “pot luck”Ě you mean “banquet in my honor.”Ě In that case, I accept your invitation. (But will not be bringing anything because I am the guest of honor and therefore am not allowed.)
Please confirm that you will have a throne-like chair for me to sit on and will prepare a performance of the Star Wars Gangsta Rap (also in my honor) in which I will play the role of Yoda.
In addition, I will require two Jedi guards at all times to keep the street riffraff from speaking to me.
The nerd called Greg (Jedi) Knight has confirmed that the line is officially throwing a banquet in my honor at 6PM on Saturday. (I am not surprised.)
Sounds like a plan. We've got that 16-year-old break dancer kid who looks like Frodo that could probably unleash a mean version of the Gangsta Rap.
I am preparing to e-mail my official rider over. If they sign, then I will appear.
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Update: Legal and binding. (And written in bold.)
JESSICA MAE STOVER
This rider will become part and parcel of the contract and must be signed by the Nerds or contract will become null and void.
1. No advertising of the appearance may be issued in any form prior to receipt of signed contract from JSDC.
2. Balance of all payments is due to Jessica Stover upon arrival, IN THE FORM OF FREE DESSERTS.
3. All interviews must be cleared through Jessica Stover. Please provide copies of any publicity, photos, reviews, etc. Only photos supplied by JSDC may be used for promoting the appearance.
4. One sweet banner reading “All Hail Princess Jessica Mae Stover: As Pretty as Leia, but Totally More Awesome”Ě must be positioned above venue during banquet.
5. Jessica Stover”ôs obligations are subject to detention or prevention by act of The Force, sickness, accident, means of transportation, natural catastrophes, clone wars, riots, strikes, or any other cause beyond Jessica Stover”ôs control.
6. Nerds to provide a lighting system capable of making Jessica Stover look really pretty. Note: In times of daylight, the sun may be substituted for a lighting system.
7. Nerds to provide one Princess-like throne for Jessica Stover. Please provide bottled spring water next to throne.
8. Nerds to supply security for Jessica Stover at venue. One light saber carrying Jedi on each side at all times, including to and from parking area and to other venue areas if necessary.
9. Nerds shall not have the right to broadcast, televise, photograph or otherwise reproduce the appearance or any part thereof. Nerds shall have their head nerd announce the above agreement prior to the appearance.
10. Jessica Stover has the right to cancel up to 45 minutes prior to engagement if she is booked on a national television show or international tour date.
11. Nerds will provide at their own expense at least four nerd performers to perform the Star Wars Gangsta Rap in honor of Jessica Stover. All performers MUST have hella good rap skills (old skool & new styles) and follow direction of Jessica Stover if provided. They should rehearse for 1-2 hrs (4-5hrs prior to performance) dressed in clothing befitting their characters.
ALL TERMS OF THIS RIDER ARE ACCEPTED BY THE NERDS UNLESS THEY ARE WAIVED BY JESSICA STOVER”ôS MANAGEMENT AND INITIALED. FAILURE TO SIGN RIDER WILL BE CAUSE TO CANCEL THE ENGAGEMENT.
AGREED AND ACCEPTED BY ON THIS DATE OF ______________________
E-mail from the nerd called Greg Knight:
The Jedi Council has spoken.
A banner will be provided under the following conditions: a "banner" constitutes any document that is wider than it is tall; size matters not; the banner will be written in the universally-accepted Star Wars alphabet known as Aurabesh (an English subtitle will be made available in the pocket of the Nerd Known as Greg, upon request).
Bottled water will be provided via charity donation.
Details here: https://payments.auctionpay.com/ver3/?id=w000949
In absence of water, 99-cent 3-liter Shasta may be provided.
Jedi security will be provided on an impromptu volunteer basis, i.e. nerds who would follow you around anyway who only love you for your mind. Seriously!
Such are our terms. Nerds reserve the exclusive rights to the phrase "There will be no bargain" during negotiations.
Dear the Nerd Called Greg Knight,
I am glad to see that you have accepted my naming convention.
Anyway, I have mad rad Saturday plans now at place where people write banners for me in English, but perhaps we could arrange another visit.
If you insist upon writing said banner in another language, then I must insist that someone stand next to said banner and translate in town crier fashion.
I.e.: “All hail Princess Jessica Mae Stover: As pretty as Leia, but totally more awesome!”Ě
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