The Selfish Dreamer 

You’ve come this far…

The first threshold ahead--

The gatekeepers fold their arms.

To you, they speak nothing, but the silence pounds in your ears:

“You are not enough.”

The moment has come for me to say goodbye. In fact, I have done already. I am done already. This will be my final entry. At the end of this week this site, along with all that I have fought for, will be no more.

I am going back to Virginia to live in easy, normal silence.

Because I’m tired of being too young or too small or too pretty or not pretty enough or too clever or too lonely. No one in this whole place cares about me or my stupid screenplay. They won't believe like I do. Why would they? It is impossible.

So it is that I have failed. I thought I had right things to offer, but I was wrong. And now you know:

I am nothing great.

I have written this letter many times.

But then I lie down for an hour or so…

And I wake to realize

That to fight the good fight, I must first get back out of bed.

And I rise to realize

That when I say, "if I do not succeed, then I will surely die,"

That it’s true:

There is no other way.

I must stay.

Tonight, to you I swear: When all the soul of me and all the dross of me says it means something,

Even if it’s nothing but fire and light,

I will pull the lamp cord,
Sit down at my desk,
Delete all my letters,
And write.

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